Monthly Archives: March 2011

I’ve noticed a pattern over the past 10 or so years that when I am unable to run for an extended amount of time, usually due to an injury, my self-esteem plummets. One day last week I was having a particularly tough day and being hard on myself. You see, that morning I made the mistake of getting on the scale in the women’s locker room at my gym. I knew this was a bad idea before I did it, yet somehow I was compelled to get on that horrible machine anyway. What it told me was that I was 6 pounds heavier than the last time I got on a scale, which was probably 3 months ago. There are a variety of factors that could have led to the weight gain, such as the fact that I just drank a big glass of water, the fact that I’ve been doing a lot of strength training and have likely gained some muscle mass, or maybe it was a different time of the day as my last weighing. It is also possible that I have simply gained weight. This is more evidence of why I am anti-weight measurement and instead am pro-body fat measurement. Scales do not take into account so many factors, the most important being muscle mass. And if someone wants to track their weight accurately, they must make sure that every single variable is the same every time they step on a scale. And that is nearly impossible to do. When we randomly step on a scale and the number is one or two pounds higher than it was the previous time, we freak out, our self-esteem plummets, and our body image suffers. In reality, that number is probably different due to water weight or time of day. But we don’t care or don’t think about that. We simply focus on the number in front of us. It is a terrible habit that many women are guilty of and I recommend that every woman throw away their bathroom scale!

Anyway, I digress. Now back to the subject at hand: self-esteem. During this bad day, I was having a little pity party by myself when my husband noticed and did his best to cheer me up. When I told him that my self-esteem was low because I haven’t been able to run, he made a comment that I’ve been thinking about ever since. He said “What happens if something occurs that prevents you from ever running again? Don’t you think you rely on running too much to make yourself feel good?” At first I was a little taken aback. Maybe he had a point. But the more I think about it, the more I disagree.

Running to me is a drug, and I am the first to admit it. Over this past weekend I ventured out for my first run in 7 weeks. It was only 2 miles, but damn did it feel good! My endorphins were up, my adrenaline was pumping, and I felt like I could conquer the world. I found myself in a great mood the rest of the day and my self-esteem was coming back. Even though I’ve been swimming, taking spin classes, and doing yoga, nothing compares to running for me. There is something different and special about it that makes me feel good, makes me confident, and makes me feel empowered. Sure, if something were to happen that prevented me from ever running again, I would find another healthy way to keep my self-esteem up. But in the meantime, why should I? It’s good for the body, good for the mind, and good for the soul. And if I am lucky enough to take this drug every day, what is so bad about relying on it?